Solitude

Charles Bukowski wrote, "Loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude." It's important to know the difference between being alone and being lonely, and they're often confused. For me, being alone is something I choose, loneliness is the result of being alone, or feeling alone when I haven't chosen it, but they aren't the same, and they don't necessarily lead to one another.I love being alone, I love my solitude. I am good at being alone, it's one of the things I like most about myself. I'm proud of it. Knowing that aloneness is something I’m comfortable with makes me feel powerful and peaceful. It makes me feel like my brain is a gold mine, and I'm so lucky to have this imagination. Being alone has always felt deeply indulgent to me, like a day off or being able to buy whatever you want.
Of course, there’s a part of me that thrives on crowds and bustle and ambient noise but I am a person who needs a lot of space, not the physical sort, but the distance from others kind. This is something I'm pretty sure a few people in my life find disarming—because eventually you're supposed to stop being a solitary creature with your own space and start building a space with someone else. And then you add more people to that space. You should do this for a lot of reasons, but also...you don't REALLY want to be alone, right?
Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be an activists for loneliness, I love the idea of companionship but I think, as with anything, there should be a balance.

Playing the Minimalist

Minimalism is a tool that can assist you in finding freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom from worry. Freedom from guilt. Freedom from depression. Freedom from the trappings of the consumer culture we’ve built our lives around. Real freedom.That doesn’t mean there’s anything inherently wrong with owning material possessions. Today’s problem seems to be the meaning we assign to our stuff. We tend to give too much meaning to our things, often forsaking our health, our relationships, our passions, our personal growth, and our desire to contribute beyond ourselves. Want to own a car or a house? Great, get it! Want to have a career? If these things are important to you, then that’s wonderful. Minimalism simply allows you to make these decisions more consciously, more deliberately.

Am I boring you ? Hold on don't leave just yet, there's reason for the paragraph above. A lot of times if we are not forced to let go of something we keep dragging years of mental and physical baggage behind us. At some point that baggage becomes so unbearably heavy that we just decide to stop moving forward and start living in the past.We stop having new goals and dreams. We stop meeting new people. We stop trying new things. We stop learning. But, ironically, we still keep buying and acquiring more physical clutter to fill our closets (speaking from experience).
Of course, on the other hand if you throw away everything you love and enjoy, then suddenly you lose your personality. Frankly speaking, you cease to know yourself then.
Sometime last year I had realized I had to let go of some things because (not to sound cliche) I needed to find myself-not that the journey ever ends IMO. I had two choices: to hold on to my past, complain, and be completely miserable or let go of everything that was no longer relevant and start a new life while still holding on to my authentic self. I noticed letting go of negative thoughts was one of the hardest things to do. Apparently it's only normal since our brain is hard-wired into noticing and holding on to negative events five times more effectively than positive ones. This phenomenon is called “negativity bias.”However simply focusing on positive events does the trick.Letting go is not as hard as it seems. Every little thing that you let go of today makes room for something new and amazing. I'm sure it's obvious which path I chose, I became the minimalist.

I'm back!

HELLO! Sorry I've been away from this place. I don't even know why. I'm not even sure what happened. But I think at some point I felt detached...my interests had changed so much that I felt like it would affect my writing.
This post is just full of rambles, I'm sorry.
The main point that I wanted to make is that... I've missed this site.I've been spending a lot of time doing other things except writing and maybe it's time for me to return, maybe it's time for me to start writing again. I really miss writing.
So yeah, I guess that's it.

It's nice to be back :)

Random post

I haven't been able to blog for a while now because I sincerely had nothing to say and life has been extremely crazy. Anyways that's by the way, I have been reading every chance I get, sleeping, studying and being alone (hey I'm not a loner I just prefer the voices in my head to humans).I've been reading everything and anything that has to do with philosophy and psychology and Freidrich Nietzsche and Leo Tolstoy happen to be my favourites after Kant and Descartes of course. I'm afraid too much of Nietzsche might have turned me into a hopeless cynic not that I was an optimist before but meeh I can't be bothered; expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed. Lest I forget, am I the only who finds talking to people a chore, I mean it's not like I don't care or I don't think of them, I just don't feel like talking. I used to think it was snobbish but I've come to realize it's who I am and I can't change that, I try to explain to people but they never seem to understand and it's annoying like GIVE ME MY DAMN SPACE

LOST TO SELFISHNESS

"This is too hard for me, I feel like such a joke you know know how I feel about you but we can't do this". Those were his words right before he left.
Three Months Ago;
The beginning... I remember the day it had all started,it ws the day I had gone for a drink with a group of friends, I remember seeing him and thinking "damn I'd like to have me a piece of that Spanish hunk" only for him to come up to me and chat me up . He was unbelievably complete smart, responsible, fit and of course handsome as fuck. We got comfortable with each other so fast it seemed like we had known each other in a former life. We went on dates, we had our first kiss and everything was going wonderful until the 3rd week of our relationship, I remember it like it was just yesterday;
Being with you feels so right he said
I smiled and then he asked me "what do you think intimacy is about?" ,
I'm not sure, sharing everything with each other I guess
I want you to be my woman
What are you talking about Julio I AM your woman
Not completely he said
what do you mean
I wanna make love to you
SILENCE , shit I've been dreading this moment
I braced myself for the task ahead and I said to him
Umm Julio there's something I've been meaning to tell you this but I wanted to wait till the time was right
Go ahead he said and I dropped the bomb I'M A VIRGIN
I know baby
You do, why didn't you say anything
I don't wanna rush you hun I'll wait till you're ready
* pheew* relieved at the thought of not having to make a decision I knew he would ask again but I didn't want to bother myself "plausible deniability" I decided
After that incident I let him get to third base to keep his mind away from wanting "it" but our rounds of passion-filled acrobatic cuninlingus and fellatio only left him with a bad case of blue balls every single time while I was always high up in cloud "19".
Seeing as the equation wasn't equal we decided to take a break from each other. But that was easier said than done we just couldn't stay away from each other and each time he left with blue balls so I decided to let him go and keep everything casual while we kept in touch through phone calls. That sort of worked well for a month or so until that drafty spring morning at about 1am we had been talking for about an hour .
I miss you Dami can I come over
I knew this would lead to nothing but trouble but I said yes all the same because I missed him more than I wanted to admit. Twenty mins later he was outside my apartment seeing him just made me melt inside , I walked up to him and hugged him. Hugging him had filled an emptiness inside me, an emptiness I didn't know existed.
Immediately we got to my room he lifted me and eased me unto the bed. He brushed his mouth over my lips "put your arms around me baby", I did as he asked as we kissed passionately. I moaned softly as he raised my top. Panic mixed with excitement I pulled my top down. Before I could stop him he had peeled my top off leaving only my shorts, he grasped my hands and placed them over my head.
"I wanna make love to you" he whispered. His hands moved to my breasts, handling them gently, tracing light, feathery circles until my nipples hardened into tiny bells. He touched each tip and waves of heat shot through me as his head dipped. He drew my nipple to his mouth sculpting it with his mouth and then drawing on it as if he were taking nourishment. Excitement spread through my body like a betrayal, burning hotter and fiercer as he began stroking the insides of my thighs. His fingers moved beneath the bands of my shorts and panties and then slid inside with a practiced touch .
"You're so tight", he whispered, withdrawing from me . He pulled my shorts and underpants down over my hips, separated my legs, and began doing something to me with his mouth that was so thrilling, I couldn't believe it was happening. At first I fought against it but my resistance was no match for his cunninlingus skills. He took control of my body , and I surrendered to him. I cried out as he brought me to an orgasm so exquisite I felt as if I were shattering into a thousand pieces .
After it was over he came up to kiss me, but I turned away. I couldn't deal with the guilt,I knew I was'nt going to let him make love to me so I pushed him away. His face grew pale as he stalked from the room but not before he said those two sentences that pierced my heart. I had lost him to my selfishness. I knew he was gone, GONE FOREVER.

RAMBLINGS of an ALTER EGO -My Nemesis: VERTICALLY CHALLENGED

RAMBLINGS of an ALTER EGO -My Nemesis: VERTICALLY CHALLENGED

ONION BULB

I won't shed a tear with this onion no I won't
I'll fight it like at the battlefront
Hurtful it might be this I know,
But I'll pass this test and this I'll show
I'll close my eyes and pretend it's clay,
And when "they" ask I'll say I'm okay
I'm almost done you see,
I didn't shed a tear I took it out on me
And Even though the cost was pain,
I cut the onion all the same