"Even though I live in the diaspora I refuse to sever my umbilical
cord with AFRICA" - B

Friday, December 11, 2009

Petals of an oxeye daisy....I love him, I love him not

Do u eva get dis feelin dat u lyk som1 nd then suddenly u dnt lyk them anymre nd then d next thin u knw ur crazy abt them nd then u go thru d first cycle once again nd u start feelin lyk ur on a ferris wheel. Yup ur nt alone..... sometimes I wish we culd be our own psychologist so we wudnt hav to go thru d stress of thinkin too much. I mean we r supposed to learn from our mistakes rite bt wat if that mistake repeats itself....what happens then ??
Each tym I think abt u I see myself picking off the petals of an oxeye daisy tryin to decide the truth abt my feelings for u bt I neva seem to get a definite answer. I know Im nt perfect bt sometimes I wish i culd make perfect decisions so I wudnt hav to hurt u. I feel lyk there's an alarm clock right where my heart is supposed to be, when it rings my love button for u goes on nd when it goes off the button goes off as well, I wish i knew when the alarm wuld go off again so i culd stop it and i wudnt hav to hurt u again. I'm sorry I hurt u, I'm sorry I made u sad nd I'm sorry u had to fall for me......... If i do find a way to stop that alarm from ringing again, I'll stop it, dat I promise u, bt until then I remain ur one nd only Ms. "SMALL BUT MIGHTY" HEHE :P






Thursday, December 10, 2009

Stuff We've Learnt From Nollywood

Ok so we all know Nollywood d 3rd largest movie producing industry bt i mst confess that some of d movies dey produce are repetition or photocopies. It has even gotten to d extent dat we now hav stereotypes, naija we need to improve bcos #weronalongtin lol. Now for d stuff we've learnt from nollywood;

1. Every problem you have is spiritual.
reply: not just
nollywood movies, even in Church. Everywhere. Its like this: you have a headache, and the situation becomes a spiritual attack.

2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
reply: sometimes I wonder what kind of fairy tales Nigerian movie
producers /script writers read.

3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
reply: that one na Jaz ba?

4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
reply: even though the car is going slow-motion. Worse, camera men even film car tires.

5. Poisoned food always tastes better. reply: always

6. The best way to make money is by visiting a ‘Babalawo’ / joining a cult / sleeping with rich men.
reply: sleeping with rich women nko? There is nothing like hardwork + persistence in nollywood
.

7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil…reply: between drama and horror movies, which is which?

8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death! reply: Now Your Suffering Continues

9. With a pastor … all things are possible.
Reply: The easiest profession in Nigeria is armed robbery or Pastorship.

10. A movie can be titled anything… such as:,

*The boy is mine

* face me I face you
*Two rats,
*Spanner,

*Calculator,

Reply: the title usually explains everything. In fact, after seeing the CD cover, you don’t need to buy the movie. Add the title and the CD cover together and you have watched a Nigerian movie.

11… You are in love… you want to take your girl out, the best place
you take her to is…
*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you’ll most probably see an ex while
feeding each other.
*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
*Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.

Reply: there are usually not more than 5 people inside Biggs/Tantalizers, and the ex is always sitting prominently. Talking of buying clothes, usually I might just fast forward. I cant imagine 20minutes of film inside a shop – when its not a bad-guy hostage situation.

12. An Igbo movie has been made if:
* You visit a Babalawo
* A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half
of the movie time.
* Kanayo O Kanayo
is in the movie. Pete Edochie is there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult .

13. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly – so much for suspense and intrigue!)
reply: this makes me wonder what the nollywood
stakeholders are really up to. Have you watched a Nigerian movie and you ended up asking yourself if the movie was ever reviewed? if any other person apart from the actors / directors have watched the movie before its released to the public?

14. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses-
*stella damascus
*stephanie okereke
genevieve nnaji
Omotola Jalade Ekeihnd
*Rita dominic
Reply: and worse, its the usual story lines

15. The police are extremely ‘efficient’ unlike their counterparts in real life.
reply: not only are the Police extra-efficient in films, their uniform is always new and ironed.

16. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
reply: dark shades at night, sweaters in broad daylight / Nigerian weather?

17. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn’t matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
reply: its like this: someone is shot in the head, and the next thing is a hospital scene where the persons legs are in a POP cast.

18. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because… people are deaf?
reply: worse, they plaster a bus with posters and start driving around town.

19.. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford-a
beautiful house, very good furniture, T.V., nice clothes, but you won’t be able to send your kids to school.
reply: and then junior will come and ask mommy, ‘you mean we don’t have food in the house’?

20. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business.
reply: and this idea of bowing down to everybody? even to strangers?

21. At the end of a three-hour movie you’ll be reminded that THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING…WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!
reply: not just ‘watch out’, its ‘stay tuned’

22. An actor announces his death as he slowly dies- “You killed me” “I’m dying” “I’m dead”
reply: and then he dies.

23. In a case where a person is on his death bed, he/she must cough till they die.
reply: wahala dey for Nigeria o.

24. Every ghost must wear a white cloth and have powder unevenly distributed on their face.
reply: which makes me to wonder whats the difference between angels and ghosts. One's the good guy and the other's the bad guy.

25. No matter the type of movie…TO GOD BE THE GLORY….
reply: even if na juju fill the movie, its still To God be the Glory.


Monday, December 7, 2009

New Moon...The second best thing that happened to teenage girls since twilight SMH

Before I start let me make it clear dat i am not abt to hate on dis movie but there are some truths that have to be told.I'm sure we've all heard abt the movie which is now makin erryone go crazy, seriously new moon isn't all dat nd neither is Jacob ( well maybe he is) bt still its nt lyk d guy wasn't in twilight. Noone noticed Jacob then cos he was d shy nd timid one bt now dat he has "The perfect bory" he has become erryone's husband. Seriously I find it very irritating wen girls talk abt Jacob as if he came from anoda planet, now ppl dnt even talk abt bella nd edward anymre its now Jacob Jacob Jacob ahah wat is it sef. In fact hi ham very very hannoyed. U guys shudn't get me wrong ooo i think the movie nd d book is absolutely tremendous BUT i still think it is very overrated, cos wen u think of it twilight is lyk any other mills & boons or silhouette novel out there except it doesn't have vampires and highschool students or half the popularity the twilight series has so pls ppl stop makin it seem like its real or u identify wiv the characters in the movie bcos the truth is.....YOU DON'T!!!!!! And as for those who hate on new moon I think they're jobless cos i dnt see y u wuld read a book u hate in the first place IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T READ IT!!! HUNDERSTAND??? HEHE peace out

Sunday, November 22, 2009

WAEC days

I remember those days during waec when we had to stay for extension classes( things we do for education). Nyways I remember this particular day wen i had to stay after school for physics class. I was rily annoyed cos i hated physics nd I was very hungry. The class started bt the worms in my tummy wudnt let me be, they were busy singing national anthem so I drank some water (poor man style). Later on our physics teacher tld us to go for ``break`` and i quickly rushed to the nearest ``Mr Biggs`` and got some fried rice unfortunately i cudnt eat it cos i was jst in tym for ``break over``. As i walked in everyone turned to look at me and then i discovered that they were actually lukin at my "versace", I immediately made a mental note (become stingy) and i sat down( mind u my food was still with me trust now I doesnt joke wif her food). As much as i tried to continue my work I cudnt cos the aroma of the food was too tempting and so i took a spoon. I swear down Mr biggs rice had neva tasted so wonderful that i took another and then it turned to several spoonfuls. As i was wacking my food our teacher turned back and he suddenly smiled and said "pls cover ur food, I cant take it anymore", everyone burst out laughing even Biola pitied the man. When the man turned back to continue copying his note everyone became Biola's friend all dem "FFO's. It was like i was some rooster being surrounded by hens. Our teacher turned to see wat d cause of commotion was and when he discovered the drama that was goin on he said, I quote: "CLASS DISMISSED!!". As soon as he said that almost everyone in class surrounded me and out of my kind heart i pitied them and gave them the rice . Bt trust Biola now she had her back up plan, her second round was in her bag (LOL). I left class and i went to complete my "DELICIOUS EXPERIENCE" nd trust me it was wonderful.

VERTICALLY CHALLENGED

Wn you’re 10, there’s always some fantastic fantasy that you nurture. You want to be a rock-star or an astronaut or you want to time travel. My fantasy? To be over five feet tall. No jokes. I’m 17 and the fantasy hasn’t faded. At 4’10”, (i think :P nd yh you read that right) I’m only just learning to love my ‘petite-ness’.

Trust me, being a woman of small stature is not the ideal situation. I know the best things, like expensive diamonds, come in tiny boxes not gigantic cartons. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had my share of wishing I was a gigantic carton. Or, at least a normal-sized one.

Picture me. This shy 13-year-old in a new school. I’m filled with nervousness. The first words I hear, “Are you in the right class? The fifth standard is on the third floor.”

Embarrassing? Yes. Needless to say we didn’t become fast friends. Cut to four years later, and simple things like shopping can become quite tedious. “I’m sorry but this is the smallest size we have. Perhaps, we can alter it for you?” “Madame, the kid’s section is that way.”

“We don’t make adult shoes in that size. I’m sorry”

Yeah, I’ve heard these lines so often I can actually pre-empt the conversation based on the expression of the salesperson. I’ve even mastered the art of self-deprecating humour on being short. But don’t get me wrong, it’s not all a tragedy. In fact, being ‘vertically handicapped’, as I fondly put it, has its perks.
For example, people automatically assume that because you’re tiny, you’re incapable of lifting heavy, or even light, stuff. You never ever have to carry a shopping bag; somebody will predictably volunteer and really, who are we to diss chivalry?

My greatest fear is not being able to get my enormous-seriously, enormous suitcases-off the baggage carousel at airports. It’s an irrational fear. For, that never happens. There’s always a gallant young man or old man or even muscular woman who’s willing to help a poor little girl such as myself. Sometimes, they’ll even wheel your luggage to the car and help you load it. It’s a free porter service and you don’t even have to ask for it PLUS MOST OF D TIME WE GET OUR STUFF ON SALE CO NT MANY PPL ARE PART OF THE ``RARE BREED`` HEHE :p

And heels. Oh, how I love to hear my ``BEANSTALK`` friends complain about being limited to flats because they don’t want to tower over their boyfriends (*COUGH* COUGH* FORMER ROOMIE). Me? I can wear any kind of heel I like, even the six-inch variety, and still be perfectly within the non-intimidating height range that won’t dent any male ego.
See, the divine revelation I’ve had is the realisation that being short is not a bad thing in any way. It’s actually a fabulous thing. I mean, who wants to be average?

There are over six billion people on earth, all fighting to stand out, to make their mark. I, for one, am waving my unique height like a banner of individuality.
:D
YOU KNOW WAT THEY SAY; ``BIG THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES`` ND TRUST ME I`M A PACKAGE WIV BIG THINGS HEHE. :P <3>